The Reason Why

 Time. Memories. Mum 

Time flies. Sixteen years. 

Sixteen birthdays without you. 

Time walked away with you. 

Left in the dark with a spark of memories. 

Imaginations of time spent together in the last sixteen birthdays. 

Memories Mum. 

Staring at the stars, l remembered mum smiling. 

Staring at the stars, l heard her voice.

Lost in the nick of time. 

Her soft cuddles. 

Her smooches of love. 

Her glittering eyes of courage. 

She stood the heroin. 

My protector, provider. 

The images of fantasy... 

Time took you away before we made memories Mom

The morning breeze rushed through skin, wide awake from the torments of his dreams. The sun was up, he had to do something about the nightmares otherwise he was doomed. Brendon  taking up his daily routine, but today nothing seemed to make sense. His mind was pondering on that dream that had kept him awake for the past two weeks, how long was this going to go on. In silence he wondered-;

Am in a square.

 No am in a circle!

Circling around a cyclone of emotions. 

But it’s a square! 

In a stratosphere complicated to figure out l stand in a small world constantly shrinking before my eyes.

At the edge of the hills, l stand looking down the river of regret. 

The chills of depression caressing my skin, l shout to the four corners of the universe seeking my dearly beloved.

The crazy lights. 

Darkness looming in the skies. 

The sun and the moon racing in the horizon. 

A perfect fantasy for torn bowels constantly cooling a burning heart.

The skies turned red, the smell of darkness sounding from a distance. 

The voice in my head shouts!

A loud bang of clustered thoughts, terrorising my overwhelmed neurons.

Nightfall my dear friend!

The hands of time have handed you back to the tattered soul.

Seeking his place in the stars shining bright.

 In the dark, the screams of my beating heart ravaging my lungs. 

The clots of heartbreak rapturing through the bloodstream, my mind a beating drum of distress. 

I stand in the realm of reality pursuing imaginary fantasies.

The dawn of time slowly crawling towards nightfall, running towards the shadows of death searching for my type of happiness. 

In the glimpse of a moment! 

The morning, noon had been engulfed by the hands of time.

The monsters in my head. 

The hatred in my heart. 

A rollercoaster of an emotional ride. 

In to the deep l plunge searching for the lost pieces of my heart

Memories. Flashbacks. Love. Pain. Pain. Moon. Stars.

 The memories of a time gone, flashbacks of a reality that became my imagination. 

Love a thing of the past.

 Pain a daily dosage.

 Pain my dear old friend you make the stars shine in my darkness.

Tired with searching for meaning, exhausted from trying to prove a point to the world. 

I retired to my quarters bartered. Burning with desire.

                             Passion from a distance a sound rarely heard.

Startled and shaken l ran towards the sound.

Oh! There’s a stranger in my door.

.Her smile sent shivers down my spine

. Her voice a force to reckon with. 

My whole body shook to the rhythm like a man hymning his favourite song. There is a stranger in my door.

The notebook had been full of the same dream, constantly trying to figure out what the dream meant had been an obsession. Being an introvert, assisted in the keeping off company but he had been rather turned in to a weirdo they always claimed he was, looking at the mirror he saw how this had taken a toll out of him. Lamenting he said,-;

I looked at the man on the mirror, he said,

"Man how do you mirror yourself?

 The filth in my loins.

The darkness in my eyes. 

The man on the mirror is your best friend why do you then hate the mirror".

I stare at the mirrors on the wall what type of a monster is looking back. 

Staring through his eyes l feel the fire that burnt in his soul. 

The pursuit of a lost cause landed his heart in magma of pain.

Nightmares haunt him. 

Dreams fascinate the passions setting ablaze his soul. 

In a magma of pain scorching the tarred pieces of a broken heart. 

Chasing his imaginations in the realm of reality he pursues a lost cause.

The scars from the razor sharp emotions. 

The ghosts of friends buried in my heart. The horizon dark red from the setting of common sense, a darkness filled with confusion thickened in his bloodstream. Tormented and tortured. His self-confidence peeled from his flesh. He sought to defy odds in pursuit of a lost cause.

His dreams turned nightmares. 

His efforts sent him spiralling into the island of loneliness. 

My heart beating in silence. 

The stranger in the mirror who l can’t believe is the man l grew to become. 

Addicted to the pain, have lost my self-respect pursuing a lost cause. 

Are these the black and white shades of life?

In the blink of a moment what was my world came crushing like a mud castle in the sea. 

Dreams shattered. 

Mountains crumbled. 

Goals missed. 

A dilemma in the silver lining. 

The pursuit of a lost cause broke my soul in half

What am l doing wrong?

Why not me?

I mirrored myself through the mirror, the mirror said and l listened. 

Mirror, Mirror on the wall do you know that, the scribbled pieces of my heart beaming through my skin. 

A darkness within slowly vaporizing my being. 

A loud scream, made Brendon come to his senses, he had been in the bathroom for over an hour now and it was not doing him any good because everyone had been waiting for their turn to get ready. His mother already passed on, his father and young sister Sandisiwe had been the only family left. However a moment in their presence was next to an hour in hell for Brendon as he saw himself as the black sheep of the family. “Come on Bren, we don’t want to be late for our errands” shouted Sandisiwe. She had lived almost half her life taking care of the family, she made sure to take care of everything whilst their father was gone during the day. She was carefree and wanted the best for her brother. However for the past few days Brendon had been acting weird ever since the dream he had told her about. She had tried everything in her power to reach out to her brother but she got a cold shoulder as a reward to her efforts. Standing at the door she knew something was not going well on the other side of the door. Was Brendon contemplating suicide? Had Natasha finally dumped him?